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Sunday, 31 May 2009

The Thin White Dude's Reviews - 10,000 BC

Well, well, well another few years go by, and sooner or later we were bound to get a new Roland Emmerich movie. Personally, Mr Emmerich has not exactly had as a bad a run with me as he has with many other film critics. I still think Universal Soldier is the best thing he and Van Damme have ever done, but I also enjoyed Independance Day and The Patriot, and I think I was one of the few people who didn't retch at his Godzilla. There remains from his previous track record one blotch, The Day After Tommorrow, which I still believe to be a hideous film. Now, can Roland Emmerich wipe the slate clean and state anew on my good record sheets? We shall see. The plot goes that a band of "Four Legged Demons" kidnap one of the ancient world's warriors true love, and thus that justifies on setting on an epic Roland Emmerich adventure. The rest of the plot is more or less non-existent, but hey, you know the story, good old Mr Emmerich will putty our brain with something to keep a healthy flow of serotonin going. The best thing about this film is inevitably the visuals. Every single one of his films, Mr Emmerich certainly knows how to shoot his film, and I must say that the excellent cinematography mixes brilliantly with the state-of-the-art computer graphics. It seems that Emmerich keeps up with the latest and greatest in visual effects, thus every time he makes a movie, he plays around with a completely new and fresh pallet. I can see why he is such a successful film-maker and why people buy his stuff over and over again. To sit, stare and wonder at the visuals of a Roland Emmerich film is like having a head massage: in that you could have it keep going on and on and on, thus the turntable and cycle of Emmerich keeps turning. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that he is by any means the best director in the world, but you know what, he is certainly a smart guy who knows how to make money. Unfortunately, this seems to be another misfire in the cannon from Island Emmerich, to answer my earlier question. Yes, he may well always have visually impressive films, but his good films usually have something else going for them as well as that. I mean, Independance Day, that works because of the acting prowess of the leads Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman and the incomporable Will Smith. I have no problem with unknowns being cast in a film, for it is something that can be very interesting, but on other occassions, it ends up being very dull, and this is one of those occassions. The leads and all actors in general are very bland and dull in this film. I don't know how they coerced Cliff Curtis, who is a perfectly good actor, to get amogst this shambles of acting. The dullness of the others seems to make him become rather dull also. Question. Why in these ancient times do they all speak so stereotypically slowly? Example, "You...will...always...be...in...my...h eart...Evelot." Imagine that being spoke aloud. Yes, I know, I'm answering my own questions, but it is very frustrating for them all to speak like this whenever you already know what is going to be said next. Which brings me to the screenplay. The script is rather incoherant in terms of plot: we do not really have any idea what is going on, and every time something inexplainable happens, another silly mysterious twist in the tail which is supposed to be sufficient excuse for the mess onscreen. Also, the dialogue is so predictably poor that you would think that Emmerich and his fellow co-writers had sat there paraphrasing from his previous films. We have seen it all before, if not in Mr Emmerich's own films, but in other stereotypically boring blockbusters. Same can be said about the plot: it may be an interesting change of scenery, but you know what, in my rare occassions of formal foul language, it's a case of S.O.S: same old shit. Roland Emmerich has created a marvellously stunning visual piece in an interesting setting, but let's face it, it has all been done before in films set in New York. In summary, a 12A version of Apocalypto.

The Thin White Dude's Prognosis - 3.3/10

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