Well, here's a first for me certainly. This the first film which I am reviewing post broken elbow, and I must say that it is rather frustrating typing an entire review with only the index finger on my right hand, so I hope anyone who reads this appreciates the fact that I am going to be in this rather uncomfortable position for quite some time. So, what I have on my hand here (well done, to the observant) is the sequel to the 2007 box-office smash. Now truthfully I didn't find a great degree of enjoyment from the original film, but I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that the film was actually able to raise itself to an average standard, and certainly posessed a wealth of charm, certainly the film's greatest asset from the film's two stars, Shia LeBeowulf and Megan Fox, and not the poster boys Optimus Prime and Megatron. However, Ifound the film to be greatly lacking that charm. What happened to Shia LeBeowulf? A few years ago he was te next big thing, and now he serves up a one-two punch of poor films that actually surpasses the custard streak which rubs down the back of Mighty Morphing Mark Wahlberg (sorry, having fun with the nases here) with this film and the absolutely ghastly Eagle Eye. This film greatly lacks any real redeeming qualities throughout. For starters, the acting is bad throughout, with LeBeowulf as wooden as a deck chair and Fox suiting the purpose of being icing sugar, with her body and movement's being photographed in a manner to attempt to distract all the geeks from how horrifically their loving pop culture icons have been mauled. I certainly don't have a problem with this, personally a two-and-a-half hour photo reel of her would be far better than this and has more right making all the money that this film will, but surely with a budget big enough to eliminate poverty from a third world country there could be something besides Fox to garner our interest throughout. However. John Turturro is a great actor and I am glad that he is picking up what I am sure is his biggest paycheck with this film. Also infuriarating is the absolutely woeful script, which does absloutely nothing to help the actors forced to say lines such as "You'll always be my first car man, I love you," and's idea of comic humour is a bulldog and chihuahua constatly humping and a mother who accidentally eats a bag of weed, perhaps the most misjudged piece of humour in any film claiming to be family-orientated in quite some time. Also, part of the plot sees LeBeowulf and Fox's characters having to maintain a long-distance relationship. And what do they do to combat this? Gee golly, there is this new piece of technology which is so just off the shelves called a wecam, which means they can communicate 24/7!. No offense, but the film is laden with stupid things like this. Not unlikke Fast and Furious, the film also has the problem of consistently contradicting itself in an attempt to should itself in a veil that says it is not all about robots hitting each other, which it is. I mean, how are we supposed to feel sorry for the death of a main chacter and be gripped at the return of another (hint: no one ever really dies in any Transformers film, show or whatever). Also, can someone please tell me if they were able to recall a detailed outline of the plot of the film they just spent 147 minutes of their life on. It makes a David Lynch plot look as coherant and predictable as a film you have seen twenty times over (and your plot's are not bad David, but I'm sure you get what I mean). Above all, the film is dreadfully boring. Last words: while the effects are lush, the film could have passed for and may as well have been a completely cgi film. In conclusion, to use the director Michael Bay's own words to my critical advantage, "I think the climax of the last film was weak, for the audience was unable to see anything in the city streets. That is why I chose Egypt for the sequel's climax: it was a large space and the audience could see everything." Words of advice, Mr Bay, I think your problems only began at the fact that the audience just didn't care.
The Thin White Dude's Reviews - 1.2/10